dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
