Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
