I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I understand Curling. That high.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
