Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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