Ambien. No doubt about it.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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