some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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