i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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