The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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