Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
