You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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