just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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