the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
