i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
