Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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