you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
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Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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