My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
