so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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