I wanna bring you to show and tell
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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