can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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