so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
