then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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