i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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