If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
