Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
