The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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