she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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