We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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