As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the day after is always just damage control
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize