her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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