Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
