I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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