not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
