well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize