she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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