my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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