Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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