i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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