I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
