no, he came in my armpit
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
