There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there was a trapeze. enough said
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
