he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
