I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
