Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
