I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
