my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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