I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There r osticjed everywhere
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
