So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
