She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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