You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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