Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
