I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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