I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize