Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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