So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
