Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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