I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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