Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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