'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
