How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
