What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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