like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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