feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize