Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
