i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize