chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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