am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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