My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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