i would punch a child for taco bell
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
