I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
