i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
