he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
