Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You can't special order awesome
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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